The BEST thing that the Physio from the Rehab team gave me was ‘permission to paint’ so today, without guilt, I loaded up the basket of my walking frame with oil paint tubes, palette knives, a roll of toilet paper for cleaning up, and a couple of canvases and headed off with my faithful cat to paint the old persimmon tree. The walking frame has a tray on the top which I have discovered today is a perfect height to paint from, and putting the palette on the seat means it is VERY accessable and leaves my arms free so there is not the pain of holding anything.

Opal, the cat, got a bit bored and wandered off for her own explorations, calling out loudly to me at intervals to make sure I hadn’t left without her.

I haven’t used a palette knife very often and I found today the best approach for me was to pick up the paint with it and make lots of little short strokes following a certain direction . BOY it used up a HEAP of paint for a quite small canvas!

I love the finished work, it is so vibrant and full of colour and movement – such a ‘happiness’ painting – and the fruit are so THICK in their application (combined brilliant red, vermillion (I LOVE vermillion) and a nice yellow and plastered it on with broad swirls of pigment.

Came home just as the heavens opened and a huge outpouring of rain occurred over a 5 minute period.

I feel relieved to have had the time out on location painting – it’s very emotionally healing as painting is the only time I am fully present in the moment, fully focussed, especially if out on location. It gives me the only break I get from how hard things are sometimes. It gives me a chance, just for that moment, to feel at ‘one’ with this world, to be alive.

Painting Persimons

There is a magical place, not far from here where, in an abandoned block of land surrounded by a wired fence and the silvery grey back of an old block building, stands the most glorious Persimmon Tree. The fruit are suspended like ruddy orange orbs between the richly hued leaves resplendent in autumnal tonings of scarlet and green.

Today, as I approached with sketchbook and camera in hand, a flock of silvereyes were feasting, perching precariously on the ruptured flesh of overripe fruits, flitting from branch to branch, fully gorged stomachs hanging in distended bliss. I tried to capture them through my lense but they were too quick for me so contented myself with a small sketch instead.

I must go back, again and again, to recapture all that i have missed. It is a place of such unexpected treasures, a wealth of colour against the drab grey of neglect.

Today I started the painting using tonings of Burnt Seinna, Transparent Red Oxide and (unfortunately) a touch of Permanent Light Green slathered over a longish landscape canvas. Into that I have texturised with plastic then imprinted leaves from the very same Persimmon Tree that I found so unexpectedly delightful. Looking at it now I really LOVE the dried effect - the imprint left by the leaves looks like how leaves fall to the ground in Autumn then gradually skelatilise on the bare earth.. I had intended to overpaint the background but now i think I shall leave it just as it is and instead of a whole tree I shall tomorrow go and gather one fallen fruit and paint just that in the bottom right hand corner of the canvas with perhaps a silvereye perched on the edge, just as I saw them today. I think it will give me much happiness to have such a beautiful memory to look at in the months ahead as winter sets in and i am in bed.

Big changes afoot...

I've begun work on a new series - Think it will end up being called "Genesis".

I find for me the time just before I am fully awake in the morning is often filled with increased 'seeing' or visions and so yesterday I started work on the two paintings I 'saw 'that morning in the 'inbetween time' as I like to call it when you are not fully asleep yet not quite awake either.

The paintings are actually the same idea, just generated two different ways. I am really pleased with the second work, not so much so with the first as in the 'inbetween time' I saw blackness with a thin red streak entitled 'sunset'. The second painting has really captured what I saw - in the first the line is too wide and regular and did not have the same sense of conveyence.

I am finding the state of finances really tough atm. Like i was unhappy with the first painting and it quite upset me thinking of the unrecoverable financial outlay that I had just 'wasted' a canvas and paint and couldn't afford to pop down town to get more as there was no more money to do so and i have already this week taken a big chunk out of grocery money in order to buy canvas and paint. I had the painting up on the wall reviewing it's merits (or lack there-of...) and within a few unguarded seconds found myself thinking 'whats the point?' Lack of funds is so unhelpful and so discouraging. I wish there were some form of scholarship or something or way to fund explorations for a decent year or so to get together something really decent to show and exhibit. A free year in which to explore the strengths and direction my work is going to head in and begin buiding a professional portfolio or body of work.

i also need to work out how I am signing my work and whether to use a pseudenom or not - esp being online. The two paintings today remain unsigned at present.

Cut my hair in the weekend. Went to cut it all off but stopped before that happened. Actually looks OK surprisingly. Rather pretty. A nice bob.

i am so on edge as have not been able to sleep for days now.

Local Scenery

Photos from the other day out at the beach...the reflections on the wet sand were amazing. It was bitterly cold though as the wind swept right along the beach.

I have been a bit 'precious' about posting photos that I intend to use myself due to the internet piracy issues but working on that at the moment and this was too lovely a day not to share it... yet today we have lightnening and thunder and hail...

Last photo - very a-typical housing endemic to the area

sketching on Location is always wonderfully absorbing...not always GREAT PAINTINGS emerge - but the ideas they generate and the joy of being there is wonderful

I think it is because you are totally 'in-the-moment- , there is no sense of past and only anticipation of the future, all there really is is the 'now' - it is a mostly very 'still' place to be.

I have had a brainwave. Am beginning now to assemble my home ready for my 2nd inhouse exhibition in July and was not sure how to best go about it but this morning I have recalled I have photos of one other time when the house was assembled like an art gallery so I think i shall have a good look at them, escepially how the end room was assembled as my last year and before work will be in there and can set it up similar. Then i can use the studio for the new work using the limited colour palette and the rest of the house for photography, 3D and new work other than the limited colour palette work.

On the way out to the beach the other day I was speaking with a shop owner and there is a possibility of comission work, they want a painting done of their batch and i need $ for registering the car so i can continue to have the use of it so I need to get in touch with them and formalise things if they do want to go ahead. I just think that would be a great sloution for both of us. A young man I know also would like to do a 'green swap' - getting my car up to warrentable standard in terms of fixing things relating to the stereo system that prevons owners illegally installed in the car in exchange for my speakers in the back of the car. He's a very reliable young man so hoping he knows what he's doing.

weekend work

"Warning - unstable area - please keep off"

had to laugh at irony of a sign which is toppling over the
area it is marking is so unstable a reflection on my own life also - painted in Gouache on card on location.

No creativity for me today after a bit of time on location yesterday braving the bitter wind and sunshine to familiarise myself a little more with Gouache as a medium by going out and doing some small sketches at the beach.

It seems to dry very powdery and is hard to apply unless it is well wetted down (although for the waves in 'Kite Surfer' I applied it directly from the tube for the surf and it has dried almost like a semi impasto feel.)

)This one was sketched for a friends sons birthday - his secret swimming spot - adding gold ink highlights when back in the studio seemed the right thing to do.

Think it demands a bit more exploration.

Seems to be more effective when used in controlled conditions like the studio (see the Cat under the Grapefruit tree).



Currently I am having to buy art supplies on chit - a local retailer allows me to book things up and I just have to pay them back each month. Did a work out the other day and realised I am spending between $90- $100 per month for supplies, even with a discount. {No wonder food has been so lacking...) Apart from one purchase which I have not used they have all been exceptionally useful and necessary.



ARt is my ONE indulgence that does not centre around my health or hospital meetings or surgeons or rehab or physio or ADLs. Art does not care if I can't walk or am in pain or hungry. Creativity is not stomped out by the endless regime of analgesics and opiates and other medication. It doesn't care if there is no money in the bank or if the money is overflowing. Art will always find a way to make it's presence felt.



there are some things going on in my life that MAYBE I will explore on this blog, or not. Have not decided yet. But there is a new 'facet' going onto who I am and what I am about.
Think that is part and parcel of being an 'artist at work' - things change, you grow, things move on

red yarn

Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I have set aside for art and creativity BUT today I was SOOOOO unmotivated and struggling...


Worked on an artschool exercise (quick sketches of figure drawing) and by the time had finished thought 'wow that would look GREAT as a design on one of my old storage boxes' (a recycled supermarket wine box ) so while the inspiration was there painted up some cards and part way through painting up the storage box in the same design.


Initially it was just a sketch of four different figures but had wanted to link them together somehow so hence adding the red 'yarn'.


The background of the card is painted in Resenes 'Lima' and the figures and yarn were done in bed using gouache. Box is also in Lima for the base, have not done the figures on it yet

New Zealand Inanga (native Whitebait)

My Photograph of a New Zealand Freshwater Whitebait – Inanga is the Maori name for them – This one is a mature adult about 3 and a bit years old.
These freshwater fish are found in one of the local lakes and thrive in captivity on mosquito larvae and good quality goldfish flakes, however you have to be very careful to keep the water 100% contaminant free as they are very sensitive to pollutants of any kind.
They are surface feeders and have tiny spry that seem to be all eyes and no bodies. Not sure if they are egg or live layers.
They do best in a tank with fine fine gravel or sand as anything else traps the fry and the do not survive.
The fish change colour depending on their environment. At the lake i collected them from they were quite transparent to a creamy white, changing colour to adapt to whatever I used in the tank.
An easy, practical fun fish to rear. Photographed April 2009

*****************************************************
The painting that stemmed from the subject in question...not sure which way up to put it nor whether to call it :Three Well Dressed Gentlemen" or : Tap Dancing Fish" - for a larger version either look at the next post (scroll down a bit) or click on the images.

painting native whitebait and the truth about rain...

1. An Aspect of Rain

I noticed an odd thing today as I lay in bed looking out the window once again at the rain.
Against the sky the rain was invisible, but against the darkness of the triangular shaped pine the rain was clearly visible.
It made me think - just because you can’t see something, it doesn’t mean it is not there or doesn’t exist.
Like God, sometimes when things are ‘grey’ we just can’t see Him or feel Him or hear Him, but that does not mean He isn’t there.
And when I see things that are different that what others see, does that make me crazy or ‘wrong’ or ‘weird’, or is it just my brain looking at things in a different light than someone else might?

2. The Painting of the Native Fish...
It is odd how paintings evolve sometimes.
Today I noticed one of my freshwater native whitebait (Inanga) was in the last stages of life (3 ish years old), so fished it out of the tank for some photographs. They have gills covers the colors of an irridescant paua. Decided to take the opportunity to paint it also. Wanted some form of balance and also to use the new color palette so painted a fish in each third of the canvas (they have a lovely diamond scale patterning). It was rather cartoony and noticed the bottom fish was looking rather anxious. Suddenly thought if I turned the painting on the side and gave each fish a top hat it would end up being quite a stylish and humorous work—the white bellies making them look like they are wearing tuxes. As it has evolved the fish have a rather guilty air about them, as though they have been evicted from a club or something or are sneaking off somewhere to do something a bit naughty and are scared of getting caught...
In the first image you can see the actual fish in the bottom left corner...before the top hats were added...
.

painting painting painting painting

Have been working hard this week - last weekend completed 'Arohanui' - just need to do the sides - in the above pic you can see the initial sketch done in June 2008 - all very mathematical using thirds and circles and triangles and horizontal and vertical lines to get the layout just how I needed it to be...

I have also started working on a recipie book... see below for the title page in acrylics (have removed last name for internet purposes - so not really a big white rectangle in the top of the painting...

and a paint effect tukutuku panel box, just because I could and because I was learning how to do it so thought i'd start on something that didn't matter if it was not 'quite right'

And begun working on a painting called 'waiting for the Harvest'...(the one with the cabbage)

Over the week have done a few bits and pieces - caught a nice sunrise from my bed the other morning - reminded me of the ripples on a David Hockney pool...

Bought some 'gauche' the other day and used it to illustrate a page of the new recipie book - interesting to watch it dry as it is so Matt in a[ppearence and gives a lovely flat coverage, on the black pages of the reci[pie book it looked like cheap tempera paint so not that great. On white paper however the effect is quite different.

And today I've been trying to capture a vision I had this morning of an unusual object called a Tajine - using a limited colour palette of Paynes grey, gold and titanium, - drawn in a very styalised style and added a 'foot' for it to stand on

Have since GOOGLED taghine (how I thought it might be spelled) and found they actually do exist and are moroccan cooking vessels! Spelled tajine.

silvereye photograph

Today I was blessed to have an instant of a stationary silver eye in the guava tree that I snuck up on and took a shot of.

One chance - and thankfully the camera behaved and took the shot.

Eight Bells

Last year a captain of a fishing boat was kind enough to give me a couple of snapper so I have finally finished a sketch for him of his vessel. Needs to be 'fixed' then can post it off on Monday.

I love the idea of 'fair exchange'

Will send him the one on the left and work on the other one another day or perhaps leave it as is - not yet decided...

I am SO behind in my work - lately there has been so much stress in my life and so much pressure from all angles it has been really hard to get into a frame of mind to create - my mind is so overloaded with other things.
And the time I have being 'up' each day (out of bed) has been used up with other things.
I just have to set aside time now to work and try and not let all the other pressures andcommittments and deadlines intrude, otherwise it will add more stress and pressure to an already difficult situation.

SO today I have set my timer and just worked. When the timer went off I did a little bit more and put the phone back on the hook then have had to stop for the day. Feeling really ill at them moment so it's back to bed for the afternoon - hopeing tonight I have some more 'together' time so can start work on the next thing that needs to be done.

EARTH HOUR HAS BEGUN

Well it is 9.10pm here in New Zealand and my lights are out and candles glimmering very pleasently as I do my bit for the planet.

As always we're the first in the world so wonder how many others will follow.

today has been an 'in bed' day again apart from a breif period of being up early this afternoon to see someone off who called in.

I am SO greatful for the rehab table over the bed as this evening I was able to be lying down working on some things whilst watching an artschool video.

It continues to make such a difference in my life.

Tomorrow hopefully i will hear from artschool what hours i have remaining to do in each subject area so I can select what to focus in on in particular - i am so full of ideas and things to do that this is really vital otherwise I will end up not completing my hours in one area because i have spent my all time in another.

If I don't hear i am going to paint up some backgrounds ready for drawings I need to get done for various people - some are WAY overdue - like the drawing of a fishing boat that the captain gave me two large snapper for last year - I must get onto that and send it off to him - very much into an equal exchange process where you and the other person swap things of an equal value and worth.

I am also very inspired by some of the visual ideas generated min my head when listening to various sermons in cHurch - one in particular really needs to be done as an oil painting - but am wondering - should I finish all my unfinished work first before starting something new - have several things waiting for completion at the moment.

Tomorrow I have NO meetings and only one committment later on in the afternoon so hoping for a decent block of working time. I lOVE Tuesdays!

quoting Steph

"I occasionally dip a toe into the inviting waters of spontaneity but regret it pretty quickly"

Steph. March 11, 2009

Beautiful piece of writing Steph - well done. {Grin}

And Tim - {waves} an official HI!

Recycling Damask and Sketching snappers

Was given a snapper this morning so FINALLY took the plunge and made an apron from an old damask table cloth that should have been in the rag bag years ago and used indian ink to sketch the snapper onto it in several different positions.

An acheivement 1. Because it is the first time i have done any sewing (I swapped a painting for a machine a while back now and first time I have used it) and 2. because I've wanted to work on facric for a long time but have held off because I did not want to risk ruining something by using the wrong materials.

I trialled on a waste peice before starting to use the indian ink on the apron peice. Really thrilled with the result - it looks like professionally printed fabric - not like a first time one off piece.

I'd love to explore this idea more - it seems most practical to have 'functional' one off art works.

Bathsheba's Bath (the sin of a King)

2 Samuel 11

Bathsheba's Bath - the sin of a King

(chalk pastel on cartridge)

David and Bathsheba

1 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah.

But David remained in Jerusalem.

2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace.

From the roof he saw a woman bathing.

The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?"

4 Then David sent messengers to get her. {My notes - He was the King - she had to obey him - to not do so would have meant death}

She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home.

5 The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant."

6 So David sent this word to Joab: "Send me Uriah the Hittite." And Joab sent him to David.

When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going.

8 Then David said to Uriah, "Go down to your house and wash your feet." So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him.

But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master's servants and did not go down to his house. {My notes - David was trying to get him to sleep with his wife so they could say the baby was his - it had been conceived while he was away at war and if he didn't have intercourse with his wife he would know it was someone elses. David's sin would remain hidden if he thought he was the father}

When David was told, "Uriah did not go home," he asked him, "Haven't you just come from a distance? Why didn't you go home?"

Uriah said to David, "The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my master Joab and my lord's men are camped in the open fields.

How could I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!" {My notes: this was an honourable man}

Then David said to him, "Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back." So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next.

At David's invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk.

But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master's servants; he did not go home.

In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In it he wrote, "Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die." {My notes - what a JERK!}

So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David's army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.

Joab sent David a full account of the battle.

He instructed the messenger: "When you have finished giving the king this account of the battle, the king's anger may flare up, and he may ask you, 'Why did you get so close to the city to fight? Didn't you know they would shoot arrows from the wall? Who killed Abimelech son of Jerub-Besheth ? Didn't a woman throw an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you get so close to the wall?' If he asks you this, then say to him, 'Also, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.' "

The messenger set out, and when he arrived he told David everything Joab had sent him to say. The messenger said to David, "The men overpowered us and came out against us in the open, but we drove them back to the entrance to the city gate. Then the archers shot arrows at your servants from the wall, and some of the king's men died. Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead."

25 David told the messenger, "Say this to Joab: 'Don't let this upset you; the sword devours one as well as another. Press the attack against the city and destroy it.' Say this to encourage Joab."

26 When Uriah's wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him.

27 After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son.


But the thing David had done displeased the LORD.

Wanting to buy a ferry, a home, and a future Wishing I had the finances.

Frustrated at lack of funds when something as ideal as this would be comes along and you realise you have not been able to buy toothpaste this week let alone buy a ferry no matter how ideal it would be.

When I saw it I knew how ideal it would be and I felt quite deeply the gulf betweeen wanting somthing and not having the means to obtain it.

It's the kind of thing I would make come alive, and would be deeply appreciated and cared for,
It would give me a future and a hope. It would give me a means to be able to financially support myself whilst still following the call God has on my life.

Oh - I just looked it up on trade me and found it is operating as a restaurant so it MUST have a certified kitchen. I really really really want this! It's just so ME. It would give me a very 'me' home and a gallery and a teaching space and a legal kitchen for producing food for sale for a gallerycaf and a means of supporting myself all in one as well as a teaching space.

One of the times I wish I had a financial supporter who could turn to me right now and say ; yes , I'll to buy that for you and here's the land to put it on - let me organise it all for you...
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Trade-Me-Motors/Boats-marine/Yachts-sail-boats/Moored-boats/auction-204350890.htm

less than a day before the auction closes.

Todays work

I have been doing some drawing work for artschool today using chalk pastels mostly.

I thought each layer would cover up the layer underneath it but as it turns out as soon as you 'fix' them with the spray fixative the underneath layer comes through again - this would be great except that my background for the figure drawing has horizontal red stripes on it (I was using the colours of a Royal Gala apple to create an abstracted background on which to work). So the figures are transparent to a certain extent and the background shows through.

Been trialling the new bed easel and it is FABULOUS! Today I have moved it out so I can lie on the couch in the lounge and work as it's easier to get a good position to work from and the couch is now on wooden blocks so the easel slides right underneath it. Marvelous piece of equipment and SUCH a Godsend. It is SO nice to be able to draw again!

Last evening I went out and took some compositional shots in the cemetery - particularly nice clouds and I found my moving around to different heights and positions you could come up with some very pleasing silhouetted shots. (I was lying down at the time when I discovered by moving slightly the composition changed drastically) These are in the old cemetery - the grave stones were the only thing to remain after fire destroyed everything a few years ago - well before my time. There is a great shot of the angel outlined against the flames that someone took at the time.

ME/CFIDS link

Ive just been reading a friends blog - and he had this link on his site to information on CFIDS/M.E. It's quite comprehensive and explains things far better than I could so I've copied the link to add here in case people want to know about it.

http://www.mecfs.org.au/?q=node/43

another good site for an explanation is

http://www.cfidsselfhelp.org/library/about-chronic-fatigue-syndrome

This is a good site for some helpful keys to deal with coping and on how to live well with long-term illness such as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. can be aplied to other situations also like cancer or sim things. Much of it is practical and constructive.

http://www.cfidsselfhelp.org/library/ten-keys-successful-coping-2005

a quote from a freind of mine in Aus (hope she doesn't mind)

We just need to climb mountains one step at a time, rather than all in one go.

reminds me of the Chinese proverb...

The Journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step...

rehab team equipment - KA PAI! KIAORA!

today the rehab OT came with some equipment to help around the house - a tilting under the bed table and a kitchen trolley, all good quality enduring materials and on caastors. I am delighted as suddenly a whole rhelm of possibilities has opened up for me. It's been hard the times in bed - being upright is often so draining but now I have a means to be able to continue to work and plan whilst being mostly horizontal and I'm so thrilled. it gives me possibility and hope back instead of hopelessness and frustration.

The table can tilt to almost vertical as well as lie flat - so going to be a useful piece fo equipment whether in bed or not. Very excited about it and the possibilities it opens up both for self and being able to teach. It also means i will be able to have meetings lying down so I can cognitively function far better Nd still eb able to take notes or explain things using a paper shee on the table of I ened to. Yahoo. PTL

Mask making - finding inspiration at 11.40pm

For artschool, as already mentioned, I've just done a plaster bandage mould of my face and a plaster of paris cast from that mould to use as a base for making a mask.

And there it sits.

For I really struggled for what to put on it - do i turn it into an animal? Do I make a venetian Carnivale Mask? No matter what I thought it just did not want to get made.

Then I had a change of tack and looked at what a mask actually was - its purpose it to hide, to protect, to conceal something underneath, to alter ones perception to the illusion that the person underneath has become entirely something or someone else.

That kind of got me thinking about materials to use to convey that - now please understand it is started to get very complicated at this point.

So - brilliant - suddenly this morning there is clarity - I will design a mask that demonstrates a part of the Character of God. Suddenly i am back on track. Ive ben thinking about this all day and just now sittinglooking at the otherthings I have been working on this week there is lots of light in them, Lots of diffused as well as reflected light. My work is a vessel of light if you will.

So I said to the Lord just now, Father, You are light - HOW on earth do I portray this characteristic of You within the mounds of a papier mache mask.

Jesus said "I am the Light of the World'

So my mask shall become the world, with a single source of light eminating to it from above, through it and exploding from it in a thousand different ways through eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hair folicles.. as believers, we are His light in a world that has very much in these times become lost in darknes and needs the light in us to shine strongly to show people the way 'home'.

Now I know what this mask is desiring to become, and I wll have my world Map I have been looking for, and am keen to start and move onto the next phase. hALLELYUJAH

09.02.14 Silver Lake dreaming

I woke this morning at 7 am with a single image in my head.
I was standing by the shores of a silvery lake (light reflected), overgrown and mostely hidden by a wild array of thick tangled rampant watergrasses. I wasn't right in the clear water but in the damp reedbed overrun at the edge. And I saw myself as though from a distance - a young girl standing amongst the reeds of this barely visable lake. I wasn't doing anything, just standing there, breathing, looking at the lake.

3D work - mask making - and playing with 'paint'

For artschool Ive trotted over to the neighbours recently and we set her dining room up like an operating theatre so she could make a plaster cast of my face (a negative using loads of vaseline and plaster bandages) It was quite pleasent lying there with funky music playing in the background and the hum of voices around me - a little like disassociating i guess - you are aware of where you are but not part of it or able to communicate.

The girls made me laugh just as the bandages were going over my mouth so not only did a little plaster run into my mouth but the cast has set in a nice slight smile which is very pleasing.

Stage two was to make a plaster of paris mixture which was then poured into the mould (once again well vasalined) - I played with it a little too long - did not know it set quite so quickly! SO as I was pourng it in it was already setting so I will need to do another one sometime, however this one will be fine as a base for building up a mask mould with clay before papermache going over the top.

I am finding the process very new and interesting. Sculptural work has many different stages in it's development I am coming to realise - and each one needs to be well done in order for the next to work and therefore a good final product at the end.

A bit like life really!

I've also joined up with a community of Christian Artists' which I will post about at a later stage but it's a timely move for me I think.

Oh - I was given a crayfish yesterday - have cleaned out the shell and thought it would make an interesting vessel - maybe for a coin purse - not sure how exactly to clean it out properly so there is no lingering odour so have set it aside in the meantime on the kitchen bench for the ants to hoe into. hopefully they will do a great cleaning job and solve the problem for me! It is too interesting a thing to just throw away - one cannot help but be in awe of God when you observe the diversity of His creation.

Sketchbook Exercises for January

Today has been a GOOD working day with a break in the middle where I slept like a log for several hours which was WONDERFUL. (I am the woman who doesn't sleep)

I was given a gift voucher a while back now used it to purchase some chalk pastel pencils - LOVELY to work with as you can do all the normal blends but also fine delicate traceries so I am really thrilled with them.

I had not heard of them until a couple of weeks ago and was not sure our little place would even have them but all credit to them for the array of unusual and varied things they stock in terms of art supplies!

I've been really ill of late so rang and they had them ready at the counter for me so I did not have the added 'ugh' of having to find them as were not sure what they looked like.

It means now I can do drawing when I have to be in bed or lying down as they are nice colours but don't have the same dust as the normal stick pastels. So I am THRILLED.

I've been doing some exercises in my sketchbook to get a 'feel' for the new materials - did my first full colour drawn self portrait (took quite some time) - makes me realise how the chronic fatigue syndrome has taken it's toll of late - eyes are exremely weary. The hyperthyroidism makes them wider so the pupils and iris appear staring although they are not - just my eye are open wider so look bigger. Found some lovely strands of silver in my hair too as I was studying my face. So thrilled.

Have spent a few hours today also revamping my business cards as my mobile phone 'died' and the information was outdated. Have used a beautiful photograph of a nautaulis I took last year, all back lit with natural sunlight for a softer effect. Looks very ince on the draft of the cards. Am designing a co-ordinated package of marketing tools so will be interesting to see what they turn out like.

I have plans now for an exhibition at home in July again so thinking through the advertising and invitation designs now also and also the theme for the main body of work which will be in the studio. I loved a couple of years ago having my first 'in house' exhibition where the entire house was set up as a functioning gallery/exhibition and work space apart from the room where we sleep (I was going to use that also but it was too much visual stimulation and not indicative of rest so canned the idea)

My biggest hurdle at the moment is trying to establish some sort of working routine for art school projects. A long drive out to the GP the other day has put a big unexpected spanner in the works and as set me back quite a way in terms of managing to stand or sit for more than a few moments at a time before I am feeling like I will black out from the pain and that pain is in itself so draining - so it's quite an interruption the creative process. Have been contenting myself with bursts of very intersive work followed by lying down and igniting the creative juices by going over and over the dvd notes.

How wonderful it would to not have this M.E . To be well would be such a gift that one could do so much with.

Clay sculpting and sketches Jan 09

'On Growing Up' - #1/3

Have been doing a fair bit of sketching of late

Today however decided to try my hand at clay sculpting with quite interesting results...

The clay was far softer than I thought it was going to be (having not really worked with it before I thought it would be quite leathery and firm but it was like sculpting with soft butter to a certain extent.)

I've done 4 peices -

The first titled 'knowledge' talks about how as human beings we are always learning, somtimes that learning comes at pivotal points or steps in our lives, other times it seems interwoven in the very fabric of our existence. There are 'ah - ha' moments, like stepping stones in our path, but always we strive higher, to learn more, to understand more, to be more enligtened (hence the arrow pointing upwards at the pinnacle of the peice)

The other three are a series that started out to be about 'greif' but as I had the urge to drive nails through the sides of them (3 in each representing childhood, youth and adulthood) the work became about 'growing up' and the pain there is in that process but how if we walk on above that pain to the next stage at the final stage of our life we truely begin to blossom, I've done three in differing heights and widths and wondering why this was I asked myself about it when they were completed and i realised it was about that not everyones life spans are the same, some people have a short life span (though no less valid or of worth) whereas others live longer and therefore have more lifeline and perhaps differing points of pain in their lives.

Inspite of pain, inspite of wounding, all of us have the potential within us to stand uprightly and blossom. It is our time to bloom and no longer to be hidden within ourselves or advised on how to be by the pain we went through at differing times in our lives.