confusion is a problem

I spent time yesterday working on the next stage of the large oil painiting of the snapper i am working on so it will be finished and dry in time for the november and December exhibitions ( of which them theme will be "The Artist's Oceanic Garden".

However i find I am struggling to overcome mental fatigue and become quickly confused and jumbled in my thoughts and overloaded as to what I need to do to get ready for it. I need to make lists of what work I will be selling and what I still need to do but I just feel a bit lost.

Its frustrating. I know my work is of a good enough standard but I just struggle with my disordered thoughts to be able to put things together in a cohesive workable way. Feeling quite distressed about it today and like this will be yet another missed out on opportunity as I battle on on my own.

My mind and body continually fail me. It is most frustrating and feels so hopeless. On my own, where I would love to be moving forward and achieveing, I am failing. I just dont hav the cohesiveness of thought I require to be able to belaying out a plan of action and orgainsisng what needs to be done in an achievable way.

House and mind are cluttered and disorganised. Yet no one seems to want to 'hear' that - just telling me I can do it. But I cant. I have repeatedly tried and repeatedly not accomplished being able to think in a clear and ordered manner as to what needs to be done, loet alone do it.

Painting Miniatures

Have been experimenting in painting 'miniatures' this afternoon in line with about.coms monthly painting projects - surprisingly the shell was just lovely as a surface to work on - I thought it migt behave a little like bone which I found the paint slid off of

- but the shell gripped the paint rather well.

Matchbox Yacht - acrylic on matchbox

The Moon Maker - Acrylic on Shell

Silent Noise - perfuming paper experiment

Today I spent some time working on 'Silent Noise' - so called because everyone is talking but no one is listening to anyone (and none of the characters in the work have any ears)

The painting is a glorious experiment - the background is on watercolour paper soaked in French Perfume left over from the India trip in 1995 (AMARIGE de GIVENCHY) and coloured in gold and russett acrylic pighment washes - the figures were from a sketch I did the other day, transferred onto the paper with carbon and then overpainted in gouache and ink to finish.

Trying to decide whether to mount it square or rectangular...

Vision and Mission statements: Goal Setting 09

What do I want: My Goal (Vision)
To be recognised as a NZ artist locally, nationally, internationally

Why do I exist (why do I want to set up business for as an artist? - What is the reason such a business would exist?) (Mission statement)

As an artist I exist to share (not waste or leave unexplored or unopened) the talent and skill loaned to me by God with 1. the local community 2. with my nation and 3. with the world.

• This requires only my best work (paintings, photography and other mahi). It demands the best of me, not my 'seconds'.
• My work is a vehicle through which I shall find the courage to speak about things that are crying out to be expressed but may I may not have adequate words or clarity of thought or speech to express in such a way as to be understood.
• At the very least my mahi will be able to pay for itself. Ideally my mahi is a means to provide sustainable income for myself and others

As an artist I also exist to give something back to this world through my work to the local community, nationally and internationally.

• This could come in the form of passing on knowledge (tutoring - paid and green swaps)
• community projects such as the arts festivals fundraisers or the like minds like mine projects or setting up website for whaioraarts
• artists against slavery fundraising exhibitions for international causes
• or other such things.

As an artist I must always enquire of myself when choosing work for exhibition: "Is this my BEST work?"