I find for me the time just before I am fully awake in the morning is often filled with increased 'seeing' or visions and so yesterday I started work on the two paintings I 'saw 'that morning in the 'inbetween time' as I like to call it when you are not fully asleep yet not quite awake either.
The paintings are actually the same idea, just generated two different ways. I am really pleased with the second work, not so much so with the first as in the 'inbetween time' I saw blackness with a thin red streak entitled 'sunset'. The second painting has really captured what I saw - in the first the line is too wide and regular and did not have the same sense of conveyence.
I am finding the state of finances really tough atm. Like i was unhappy with the first painting and it quite upset me thinking of the unrecoverable financial outlay that I had just 'wasted' a canvas and paint and couldn't afford to pop down town to get more as there was no more money to do so and i have already this week taken a big chunk out of grocery money in order to buy canvas and paint. I had the painting up on the wall reviewing it's merits (or lack there-of...) and within a few unguarded seconds found myself thinking 'whats the point?' Lack of funds is so unhelpful and so discouraging. I wish there were some form of scholarship or something or way to fund explorations for a decent year or so to get together something really decent to show and exhibit. A free year in which to explore the strengths and direction my work is going to head in and begin buiding a professional portfolio or body of work.
i also need to work out how I am signing my work and whether to use a pseudenom or not - esp being online. The two paintings today remain unsigned at present.
Cut my hair in the weekend. Went to cut it all off but stopped before that happened. Actually looks OK surprisingly. Rather pretty. A nice bob.
i am so on edge as have not been able to sleep for days now.