Exhibition December 2011

WIll be open again 1 hour. The photography area looks amazing as does the entrance hallway.

Met one of the other photographers in the photography club on Friday night with his family so that was excellent.

Yesterday I closed the exhibition in the morning so I could finish setting up - now that is done i feel so much happier with it all. Nothing had had lables or prices on them so it looks much better now and i can leave people to walk around themselves rather than having to tell them about everything..

I DO need to change some things in the main area, will do that a bit later on today.

It really is NOT a good week for it all as most people are now away on holidays and it is not really a tourist flow through area. Good learning curve! BUT in a way it is good as the trickle of people coming through is about what i can cope with with being so ill. SO in a way it is the BEST week for me to have had it!

Next year though I will have it in another week

Exhibition week

Exhibition opens in 4 days! SO MUCH STILL TO DO!!!! Today I am working on the marketing side of things, business cards, invitations, emails etc and finishing off a painting that needs doing

SO MUCH still to do ugh!!! WIll be GREAT once it is all done !!!

apologies

I apologise that i have not been updating this blog!!!! back into it shortly.

A funny Story

I went out to Unahi on Sunday Morning and was doing some frottage in preparation for some fish drawings. Well a HUGE gust of wind ripped the paper from my hands and tossed it right over the side of the wharf and into the ocean. 'OH CRAP!"

I called out to some fishermen who were working on their boat - " excuse me, my paper's just blown in the water. Do you have a net or anything you could fish it out with???

Well...you would have thought a baby had fallen overboard!

There was a sudden explosion of activity as an assorted variety of men burst out of the cabin, frantically grabbing gaffs and bits of board (Not Gaffs I thought - imagining the damage they could do to waterlogged paper)

Duely the paper obligingly drifted alongside the boat and was fished out by one burly fellow who admittedly took one look at the few scratchings I had laid down and nearly threw the thing back in the ocean! After a few bawdy comments about my 'priceless work' and much hilarity by the crew my sheet of very expensive very sodden paper was gallantly returned to me amidst much good natured teasing and laughter.

That was not the end of it though - as I packed away my things at the end of the time there I picked up the camera case and let out a yelp feeling like a sharp bit of metal had dug into my finger. "DON'T MOVE" a burly fellow bellowed at me from the decking. Next minute I noticed a large wasp crawling along my trousers, right at a 'delicate' place. Concerned I might be stung again I used both hands to lift my trousers off my thigh so there was no contact with the skin whilst the burly chap went to find something to take it off with. He duely returned with a bright blue rag and seemed about to scoop up the wasp when he realised exactly what 'place' it was sitting right on top of and shuffled backwards looking a little shame faced. Never seen a big man blush! This put me into fits of giggles ending in a very undignified coughing fit as the hilarity of the situation struck me

Eventually the offending insect got tired of waiting for us to 'rescue ' it and gracefully flew off in the direction of the fisherman's truck. Oops!!!!!

Researching ANZAC

Uncle Gordon and Me

I have been researching about my Uncle who was a Frazer and fought in both WW1 and WW2 and also was part of the NZ forces who were massacred at ANZAC cove - he played the bagpipes to herald the troops onto the beach and was shot, as were many of our troops - being sent in first. He recouperated in a London hospital and another soldier later on, as he travelled through London, returned my Uncles bagpipes to him, still covered in sand and grit as they had been when they were picked up from where they lay.

How amazing to have them returned!

The photos above - I have been practicing painting Fraser tartans in preparation for the actual portrait...

I am intending to do a portrait of him in his uniform on a background of Fraser Tartan surrounded by the Soldier Poppies which have become the emblem of the ANZAC's. It is nice to now begin to collect photos and images of family - my collection of photos was sadly lacking.

All part of me finding my place and who I am really and re-establishing myself with my whakapapa, of finding an identity where I can say - YES THIS is who I am. This is only a wee part of that but important non the less.

2010 is here

My computer is down at home so HOORAY I am somewhereelse and back on site. Currently I am doing some research for a painting based on ANZAC's so had better get back to it

farewelling friends and working on the oceania series

Last Saturday I did some more work on the snapper painting in oils after a trip out gatehring different kinds of seaweed to use 1. as a mulch on the garden 2. to create seaweed tea to water the plants with and 3. to use as a resource for finishing the snapper painting.

Some of the weeds were stunning - all collected fromt he beach where they were washed up so environmentally friendly gathering expedition - check out this scarlet coloured weed resting on the beach sand...

Also used some of the items collected when beachcombing for the inspriation behind painting up an old tyre which i have now filled with soil and planted pumpkins into...

Other news - my dear friend Cecilia left yesterday - this is her in front of a photo i took of her and the baby earlier in the year. Her husband has been relocated with work - has not quite sunk in that they have left yet - a lovely Christian couple whom quickly became part of my heart.

confusion is a problem

I spent time yesterday working on the next stage of the large oil painiting of the snapper i am working on so it will be finished and dry in time for the november and December exhibitions ( of which them theme will be "The Artist's Oceanic Garden".

However i find I am struggling to overcome mental fatigue and become quickly confused and jumbled in my thoughts and overloaded as to what I need to do to get ready for it. I need to make lists of what work I will be selling and what I still need to do but I just feel a bit lost.

Its frustrating. I know my work is of a good enough standard but I just struggle with my disordered thoughts to be able to put things together in a cohesive workable way. Feeling quite distressed about it today and like this will be yet another missed out on opportunity as I battle on on my own.

My mind and body continually fail me. It is most frustrating and feels so hopeless. On my own, where I would love to be moving forward and achieveing, I am failing. I just dont hav the cohesiveness of thought I require to be able to belaying out a plan of action and orgainsisng what needs to be done in an achievable way.

House and mind are cluttered and disorganised. Yet no one seems to want to 'hear' that - just telling me I can do it. But I cant. I have repeatedly tried and repeatedly not accomplished being able to think in a clear and ordered manner as to what needs to be done, loet alone do it.

Painting Miniatures

Have been experimenting in painting 'miniatures' this afternoon in line with about.coms monthly painting projects - surprisingly the shell was just lovely as a surface to work on - I thought it migt behave a little like bone which I found the paint slid off of

- but the shell gripped the paint rather well.

Matchbox Yacht - acrylic on matchbox

The Moon Maker - Acrylic on Shell

Silent Noise - perfuming paper experiment

Today I spent some time working on 'Silent Noise' - so called because everyone is talking but no one is listening to anyone (and none of the characters in the work have any ears)

The painting is a glorious experiment - the background is on watercolour paper soaked in French Perfume left over from the India trip in 1995 (AMARIGE de GIVENCHY) and coloured in gold and russett acrylic pighment washes - the figures were from a sketch I did the other day, transferred onto the paper with carbon and then overpainted in gouache and ink to finish.

Trying to decide whether to mount it square or rectangular...

Vision and Mission statements: Goal Setting 09

What do I want: My Goal (Vision)
To be recognised as a NZ artist locally, nationally, internationally

Why do I exist (why do I want to set up business for as an artist? - What is the reason such a business would exist?) (Mission statement)

As an artist I exist to share (not waste or leave unexplored or unopened) the talent and skill loaned to me by God with 1. the local community 2. with my nation and 3. with the world.

• This requires only my best work (paintings, photography and other mahi). It demands the best of me, not my 'seconds'.
• My work is a vehicle through which I shall find the courage to speak about things that are crying out to be expressed but may I may not have adequate words or clarity of thought or speech to express in such a way as to be understood.
• At the very least my mahi will be able to pay for itself. Ideally my mahi is a means to provide sustainable income for myself and others

As an artist I also exist to give something back to this world through my work to the local community, nationally and internationally.

• This could come in the form of passing on knowledge (tutoring - paid and green swaps)
• community projects such as the arts festivals fundraisers or the like minds like mine projects or setting up website for whaioraarts
• artists against slavery fundraising exhibitions for international causes
• or other such things.

As an artist I must always enquire of myself when choosing work for exhibition: "Is this my BEST work?"

Up-coming exhibitions and planninf for that

I sat down with the budget today after recieving forms in the mail for 2 different exhibitons before the end of the year - each requiring a small body of works as part of a larger arts festival - and worked out the costs for each will be about the same once petrol is incorporated.
Budget is pretty tight but if i set aside all the money allowed for emergencies I will be able to cover the initial exhibitng costs so that was a relief - just praying there are no emergencies between now and then!
But the dilemma now is what to select for my body of work - I have several ideas and possibilities - have a month to have the main elements of the work completed so it has enough curing time and then I can work on the other aspects of marketing and presentation but I am so disjointed in my decision making I am struggling to decide on one clear focus. This is also exabbergated by the need at this time to generate sales to be able to afford more materials and opportunities and cover costs. I am an art addict - its as vital to my well being as good nutritious food. I ned to find a constructive way to support this 'habit'. And a focussed direction.
I'd wanted also to enter some art awards but struggled with the form fillling in so once again quite disheartened at my lack of ability that continually penalises me because I find it so hard to get the forms filled in and the work away.

WorkLog

I've recommitted to painting daily and actively seeking to develope professionally so this week Ive set up the hospitals tilting table in the lounge to work on and have it so the paints are on a table to the right so I'm not doing more damage to my arms in anyway. I'm very short on canvas now and so its hard trying to work on a body of work that I am wanting to do specifically for the two exhibition coming up. Had intended to start reusing old canvases but did not have the heart to paint over something already done so instead ended up touching up the paintings instead - have reworked 'Pororae' as it had some marks on it due to how I'd stored it - it looks great now but does not really fit in with anything.

I'm finding it hard to be clearminded about what I want to work on for exhibition - I really need some work to sell as canvas has gone up so much in the shops - went to buy some yesterday and a $14 canvas is now over $20!

I think my greatest joy this week has been getting permisiion from the neighbours to sit on their lawn and paint their stunning magnolia tree. I've found it great for location work to take the oil paints and a plaette knife - no clean up really - been a bit of an exploration into thick impasto which is kind of strange to do - feels more like putting icing on a cake than doing a painting - worked on the magnolia tree for about an hour and a half.

Its a stunning tree with heavy cream and cerise blossoms atop a silvery-grey trunk. The big winds turned the grass at the foot of the tree into a veritable carpet of deliciously thick petals and i was so pleased I plucked up the courage to ask them if i could come over and paint it as today i notice most of the petals have gone and the tree is just not the same anymore.

I find there is a point in any work where I think 'Oh Lord, what complete rubbish!' but if I press on there comes another point where often it all suddenly falls into place and the painting tells you it's done.

At that point one really NEEDS to stop. Learn to listen to the painting. It will tell you when it's finished - there will be a sense of completeness about the work - then you know it's timeto stop.

about.com

playing with watercolours in shades of blue....

Finding hope

mmm - well - in regards to the next post...

Artschool are saying they never received my enrolment forms DESPITE them having been faxed and having a fax receipt from weeks ago

and

WINZ person is saying I am not eligable for tIA DESPITE that in accordance with the website criteria I am still eligable as i started the course and had TIA approval before April 2009...

WHY do people make things so much more difficult than they need to be?????

Arrgh

Feeling very very sad

Being on invalids benefit, the government were kind enough to fund for the Diploma I am doing at art school but just recently they appear to have moved the goalposts so I am now stranded part way through the diploma (had completed the foundation stage and was about to go onto stage 1). I cannot afford to take on debt so I just feel devistated. I was also really stressed that the admin side of artschool made things so much more difficult for me than they needed to be over the last few months. i struggle with reading and writing and there wss some real unhelpfulness ocuring- if a monthish ago when the meeting was all arranged and she was keen to put the TIA through and all was going ahead the admin side at art school had not been so dogmatic i would now be working on my stage 1 work - but now the goalposts have changed with the funding I've missed out, yet again, on something I really wanted to do. I am so upset.

Artschool gave me a reason for getting up in the morning. It helped me be lifted out of the situation I am in and work on something that was moving forward into a future and expanding my horizons, something other than sickness to occupy my waking thoughts.

I learned new ways of doing things, was exposed to materials I had never heard of, and the years I really needed to do were coming up - all about professional practice and carreer things and I feel so very very sad that this has been made so difficult to be part of when it was such a construtive part of my life.

With my life in so much turmoil and uphealev and so much being uncertain about my future, this was the ONE constant i had to hold onto. The one thing that was just a joy. The one thing that was going to be there to bring purpose and direction.

Now its gone. And I dont know what to do. I cant make this right. i cant make any thing right. It is a lost opportunity and I feel so very sad. One more goal 'not achieved' to add to the many many other 'not achieved's' Yet it did not need to be so. Very sad.

Blood and Water

I have been considering the background I did the other day (sunset) for a while now and it seemed to need a dribble of blue running from the top of the work on the far RHS. As I saw this in my mind suddenly i thougth - oh my goodness - it's 'Blood and Water' a crucifixion painting.

I started to sketch in in chalk the line i wanted but realised there needed to be not one but three dribbles of water so ruled them all up so they were at the right intervals and lengths.

I debated whether to use a syringe or not to do the dribbles (as in 'The Memory') but in the end opted for a skinny brush loaded with paint. The thing that hit me after completing the work was not just that it was the Blood and Water of Christ that gushed out as He was peirced in the side post crucifiction, but also that inadvertantly I had painted in the three crosses of Christ and the two criminals (one on either side) where the Blood and Water intersected. I also realised the way I had integrated the silica sand and the overpainting in reds creats like a sense of movement, like blood flowing through a vein

The startling primary colours of the Blood and Water against the background also talks about Christ standing in the space between us and eternal torment.

Really thrilled with the work. Looks quite simplistic i guess with the primary colours against the black but is really quite complex.

The blue in this image is not quite true to colour for some reason - not sure why.

The BEST thing that the Physio from the Rehab team gave me was ‘permission to paint’ so today, without guilt, I loaded up the basket of my walking frame with oil paint tubes, palette knives, a roll of toilet paper for cleaning up, and a couple of canvases and headed off with my faithful cat to paint the old persimmon tree. The walking frame has a tray on the top which I have discovered today is a perfect height to paint from, and putting the palette on the seat means it is VERY accessable and leaves my arms free so there is not the pain of holding anything.

Opal, the cat, got a bit bored and wandered off for her own explorations, calling out loudly to me at intervals to make sure I hadn’t left without her.

I haven’t used a palette knife very often and I found today the best approach for me was to pick up the paint with it and make lots of little short strokes following a certain direction . BOY it used up a HEAP of paint for a quite small canvas!

I love the finished work, it is so vibrant and full of colour and movement – such a ‘happiness’ painting – and the fruit are so THICK in their application (combined brilliant red, vermillion (I LOVE vermillion) and a nice yellow and plastered it on with broad swirls of pigment.

Came home just as the heavens opened and a huge outpouring of rain occurred over a 5 minute period.

I feel relieved to have had the time out on location painting – it’s very emotionally healing as painting is the only time I am fully present in the moment, fully focussed, especially if out on location. It gives me the only break I get from how hard things are sometimes. It gives me a chance, just for that moment, to feel at ‘one’ with this world, to be alive.

Painting Persimons

There is a magical place, not far from here where, in an abandoned block of land surrounded by a wired fence and the silvery grey back of an old block building, stands the most glorious Persimmon Tree. The fruit are suspended like ruddy orange orbs between the richly hued leaves resplendent in autumnal tonings of scarlet and green.

Today, as I approached with sketchbook and camera in hand, a flock of silvereyes were feasting, perching precariously on the ruptured flesh of overripe fruits, flitting from branch to branch, fully gorged stomachs hanging in distended bliss. I tried to capture them through my lense but they were too quick for me so contented myself with a small sketch instead.

I must go back, again and again, to recapture all that i have missed. It is a place of such unexpected treasures, a wealth of colour against the drab grey of neglect.

Today I started the painting using tonings of Burnt Seinna, Transparent Red Oxide and (unfortunately) a touch of Permanent Light Green slathered over a longish landscape canvas. Into that I have texturised with plastic then imprinted leaves from the very same Persimmon Tree that I found so unexpectedly delightful. Looking at it now I really LOVE the dried effect - the imprint left by the leaves looks like how leaves fall to the ground in Autumn then gradually skelatilise on the bare earth.. I had intended to overpaint the background but now i think I shall leave it just as it is and instead of a whole tree I shall tomorrow go and gather one fallen fruit and paint just that in the bottom right hand corner of the canvas with perhaps a silvereye perched on the edge, just as I saw them today. I think it will give me much happiness to have such a beautiful memory to look at in the months ahead as winter sets in and i am in bed.

Big changes afoot...

I've begun work on a new series - Think it will end up being called "Genesis".

I find for me the time just before I am fully awake in the morning is often filled with increased 'seeing' or visions and so yesterday I started work on the two paintings I 'saw 'that morning in the 'inbetween time' as I like to call it when you are not fully asleep yet not quite awake either.

The paintings are actually the same idea, just generated two different ways. I am really pleased with the second work, not so much so with the first as in the 'inbetween time' I saw blackness with a thin red streak entitled 'sunset'. The second painting has really captured what I saw - in the first the line is too wide and regular and did not have the same sense of conveyence.

I am finding the state of finances really tough atm. Like i was unhappy with the first painting and it quite upset me thinking of the unrecoverable financial outlay that I had just 'wasted' a canvas and paint and couldn't afford to pop down town to get more as there was no more money to do so and i have already this week taken a big chunk out of grocery money in order to buy canvas and paint. I had the painting up on the wall reviewing it's merits (or lack there-of...) and within a few unguarded seconds found myself thinking 'whats the point?' Lack of funds is so unhelpful and so discouraging. I wish there were some form of scholarship or something or way to fund explorations for a decent year or so to get together something really decent to show and exhibit. A free year in which to explore the strengths and direction my work is going to head in and begin buiding a professional portfolio or body of work.

i also need to work out how I am signing my work and whether to use a pseudenom or not - esp being online. The two paintings today remain unsigned at present.

Cut my hair in the weekend. Went to cut it all off but stopped before that happened. Actually looks OK surprisingly. Rather pretty. A nice bob.

i am so on edge as have not been able to sleep for days now.