Saturday, 5 September 2009

confusion is a problem

I spent time yesterday working on the next stage of the large oil painiting of the snapper i am working on so it will be finished and dry in time for the november and December exhibitions ( of which them theme will be "The Artist's Oceanic Garden".

However i find I am struggling to overcome mental fatigue and become quickly confused and jumbled in my thoughts and overloaded as to what I need to do to get ready for it. I need to make lists of what work I will be selling and what I still need to do but I just feel a bit lost.

Its frustrating. I know my work is of a good enough standard but I just struggle with my disordered thoughts to be able to put things together in a cohesive workable way. Feeling quite distressed about it today and like this will be yet another missed out on opportunity as I battle on on my own.

My mind and body continually fail me. It is most frustrating and feels so hopeless. On my own, where I would love to be moving forward and achieveing, I am failing. I just dont hav the cohesiveness of thought I require to be able to belaying out a plan of action and orgainsisng what needs to be done in an achievable way.

House and mind are cluttered and disorganised. Yet no one seems to want to 'hear' that - just telling me I can do it. But I cant. I have repeatedly tried and repeatedly not accomplished being able to think in a clear and ordered manner as to what needs to be done, loet alone do it.

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